Moments Lost

For a period in my life, I was proud not to have regrets. Like my adamant decision one day to never allow myself to be bored, I also decided many years ago that nothing was or should be worth regret. Or perhaps it is worth the regret, depending on your own view, but that it shouldn't remain in the state of regret.

But I've come to think recently that this denial of regret has retracted a bit, and I have come to regret some things. The irreversibility is vexing. Some things that could be better now are not, and the chance is gone. Even though I think often in the bigger picture, my little "universe" principle* as it were, I can't help but be a little apprehensive of this permanence.

Today I had the chance to fight for someone. I didn't. I made a choice not to, and in hindsight, I went for the path of all disadvantages versus one full of advantages. And as small as this occurrence actually was, I somehow greatly regret it, and there will be no more chances to redeem myself in the same sense again. The window is closed. It will bother me another night or half day, until perhaps I can do something in return that will return the value of the chance I didn't take.

Ugh, what a wretched feeling. On a lighter note, the dorm holiday party went quite well! I was in charge of leading and explaining the White Elephant/Dirty Santa game that we played, and it went even better than the one I'd seen before two years ago. Odd as it seems to some, I will honestly miss dorm life. There's no community quite like it (especially here at McTyeire, sigh).

*That is, In The End, The Universe Does Not Care